(Posted 2016-07-11 11:18:20 -0400)
I know y’all are probably tired of my periodic brain-dumps of all my thoughts and feelings, but today for whatever reason seems particularly hard. It feels like it should be a dark, gloomy, rainy day, despite the abundance of sunshine (I assume—I can’t see outside from where I sit). Work is slow, I can’t seem to find anything to occupy my time that interests me, I’m just sitting here like a lump, typing on Facebook.
I feel like I can’t connect with anyone anymore. No one shares my interests or enthusiasms, as far as I can tell, and I don’t really have anything worthwhile to add to any conversations about current events.
It’s a horrible thought, but what if I’m doing worse because everyone in my life is doing better? Terrie’s between treatment phases, my daughters’ assorted problems are being worked out. Maybe I feel useless because I am, relatively, useless. I contribute an income and help out around the house, but that’s about it. I can’t drive, and believe me, that’ll make you feel useless in this day and age faster than anything else.
I need to go for a walk.
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